Let available date: You will be transferred into this isolated hotel with a bunch of strangers when we decide ad without warning
Let Type: a very very small room
Furnish type: dirty, bed-bug ridden bed

Property Type: hotel room
Bedrooms: 1
Bathrooms: shared with ___ many people.

Viewings at the property will be available AFTER YOUR SUDDEN AND RANDOM DISPERSAL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, please submit PROOF OF YOUR CLAIM via our website and the home office in the first instance.

The Team at MEARS are THRILLED to welcome you to this DINGY HOVEL in central Glasgow. Where your room will NEVER BE CLEANED and bedding will be left UNCHANGED FOR 90 DAYS. In this gorgeous property CLOSE PROXIMITY TO OTHERS CREATES AN UNSAFE ENVIRONMENT and if you have any issues of problems we will be sure to IGNORE you.

Are you looking for ZERO AUTONOMY? Then this might just be the property for you! With NO ACCESS TO HEALTHCARE and CONSTANT SURVEILLANCE plus RISK OF FIRE we can’t wait to welcome you to your new home. BROKEN BONES? We’ll ignore you!

The property includes further benefits including MOLDY FOOD and a SHARED BATHROOM WITH XX NUMBER OF PEOPLE. The perfect place to ride out the rest of the PANDEMIC.

Plus, MEARS are so excited to let you know that they will do their utmost to uphold their policy of CONSTANT NEGLIGENCE and DISDAIN FOR YOUR BASIC HUMANITY.

If you have any issues with your property please contact: PHONE LINES ARE CURRENTLY DOWN :)